Sunday, July 28, 2002
Holy cow. So, we've recently played a big, long string of shows, some of which we'd advertised here and some of which we kept as our own dirty little secrets, because sometimes we get a kick out of keeping you guys in the dark. Will you ever really trust us again after having read this confession? Maybe not. Should you trust us? Don't be an imbecile - of course you should. We know what is best.

Or do we? Because, you see, what with this whole slew of shows that we've tackled, it appears that we've forgotten all about booking more of them. So now, here we are, showless. What were we thinking? The problem is that, with clubs, you generally have to book a show a good month in advance, which means that we could spend the whole of August sitting on our hands. Which we like, sure, but which turns out to be not so good in terms of the spreading of the WAS gospel.

So, we will try. You kids will not be allowed to go hungry. In the meantime, we should reiterate that we are more than willing to come to you - to come right into your home and put on our big WAS show, which includes the music and the butts and maybe also the delivery of some one-act plays by Harold Pinter as interpreted by Chris.

Sunday, July 21, 2002
Guys, guys! Hi, guys!

Just a quick update here for so that you know about the various famous-making things that are going on around the old headquarters here.

First, there is this show. It is coming up soon, on Wednesday. It will be upon us before you know it. The show, it will be at Luxx, which just happens to be the finest rock and roll-vending establishment in all of Williamsburg, Brooklyn, which itself is known for its proud housing of artists and musicians of all ilk, who coexist happily and peacefully, united by their unchecked devotion to the creation of masterworks and also by their carefully touseled hairdos.

This show, it will be terrific. Because, holy crow, kids, it is a We Are Scientists show, and the We Are Scientists always do it right. But also, we are being joined by The Fit, who we love both personally and professionally and, hell, also romantically. See them and grow rich.

Also, a side note: our friends over at Speechwriter's LLC have finally completed an EP, which is good for them and is good for you. Because they are pure and fine and without greed, they have posted the entire collection of songs on their website, which you should hit right now if you care at all about songs with finely crafted melodies and intelligent, clever, and earnest lyrics. But, then, wait: why the hell are you HERE?

Thursday, July 11, 2002
Hello again. We know that it may appear to many of you that We Are Scientists has begun to forget about The Music. "I mean," you say to your friends, tears spilling down your cheeks and into the pudding mix below, "they only play a show, like, once every TWO WEEKS! What kind of band is that? Once in two weeks? That is never enough when one is speaking of We Are Scientists, which I am."

You say that to your friends, and they can only agree, because although they see us every day - there we are, smiling on yet another cover of People Magazine, wrestling with our buddies Leonardo "Leo" DiCaprio and Tobey "Fudgecicle" Maguire on Entertainment Tonight, driving a Ferrari off of a bridge and parachuting to safety in the preview for our upcoming film, "XXX" - they still find themselves starved for the explosive rock shows that first brought us into the public eye. So, we will now deliver:

Brownies, this Sunday.

There you are. Please enjoy. We love you so dearly.

Tuesday, July 02, 2002
No time for jokes, just facts.

FACT: Michael is off to LA for a week and a half starting Wednesday evening. Fans of WAS who feel like taking him out for a drink or showing him off at a party should submit requests to us via email. Things to keep in mind about Michael if you’re thinking of taking him out…
-likes: dolphins, kittens, sado-masochistic sex, fries with any of these
-dislikes: balloon animals (“they don’t taste the same”), sponge baths (“too sexy; too…I dunno, touchy”)

FACT: Keith is sick. This happens reliably whenever we have a show, so he got sick for Saturday’s show, and still is now, three days later, cuz Keith overachieves. For instance, a four-year-old child once asked him to blow up a balloon so that she could make a balloon animal out of it and Keith blew and blew – well past the balloon’s proper turgidity – and blew and blew til the balloon disappeared with a loud pop. The child, who had got a glimpse of true evil, glared at Keith with disbelief and righteous anger and began bawling and pointing, perhaps to notify anyone at all who might be interested that the devil was standing there next to her. Keith put on his smarmiest grin and bent forward slightly, hands clasped behind his back, and said, “How’s that. How’s that for you. How will that do for your purposes, little child. Is something the matter? No. Nothing’s the matter. All is right as rain, isn’t it, you overgrown insect,” and things of that manner until the little four year old child passed out right there on the pavement from loathing, her air supply choked off temporarily by blackest hate.

FACT: Chris… jeeze. Had breakfast this morning and many before it. Oh, oh, oh: look for Chris’s billboards in Times Square and elsewhere around New York City. He did the copy for the Sanofi-Synthelabo campaign recently produced by the ad agency he works for. Super-rad, we’re sure you’ll agree. Super-cheesy and dumb, is more like it. We’re all a little shocked that he failed to wiggle even a single WAS reference or pun into the work. As punishment, we are considering downgrading him from bass player to guitarist, allowing Keith, among others, to try out for the coveted bass spot.