Friday, Mar 07, 2008

Release week for our new single AFTER HOURS is drawing to a close, and with it your chance to help make us even richer than we already are. You see, a top 5 single would spell tremendous wealth for We Are Scientists. We would be kings. We would command such authority as to be beyond even Razorlight's sway.

Will you help us? MONEY-PURCHASE THE SINGLE .

Here are the things we promise to do if AFTER HOURS breaks into the top 10:
- Eliminate all private debt in Britain.
- Make movies free to everyone under the age of 65.
- All children taught to read by 2055 A.D.

Here's what you can expect if AFTER HOURS goes top 5:
- Demons will be summoned and allowed to live among us. (Demons will have to abide by man's law.)
- All animals will be shaved bald and given full body tat work.

And if AFTER HOURS becomes the 1 single this week, we will:
- Consolidate all television news channels into one channel. Train a walrus to speak perfect English, put him in a red sweater, and make him the host of the news, 24 hours/day. He would be injected with a chemical cocktail that would allow him to forego sleep and just do the news.

As you can see, we're not the kind of band to hog the benefits of a high chart position: we're all about redistributing our gains. Get your copy of AFTER HOURS now!

WHAT VIDEO HATH WROUGHT

Part 2 of our award-winning (5 stars on the YouTubes!) coverage of the 2008 NME Awards is available for memorization. See Chris get the scoop from Charlize Theron! See Keith almost get beat up by Lethal Bizzle! THIS IS THE FIRST TIME HONEST JOURNALISM HAS INVOLVED DOUBLE PENETRATION!