Thursday, Nov 07, 2002

Not that it’s really any of your business, people, but Keith has this new, sweet job: reading scripts for a production company in NYC. The best part is that he can do it from home, which you might imagine would leave him free to do things like write songs and knit scarves and tour the world, but you’d be wrong. Keith is an awful procrastinator. For example, here’s how today’s work session went:

KEITH: Okay, time to sit down and bust out this review of Cheech and Chong Fight Dracula. Damn, this was a good one! Okay.

(types the words "Cheech and Chong Fight Dracula")

KEITH: Ahh, so much is done already! Time for a snack!

(eats an entire box of the generic-brand Kap'n Krunch knock-off, which, at his local supermarket, is called Krisp Krunch, a misleading name at best, as the cereal is far less crunchy than the name-brand product. Don’t be cheap – when you ache for Kap’n Krunch (as we all do from time to time – it is what makes us human), put out the cash and buy the real thing.)

KEITH: Okay, back to work! Hmm, this space bar is a little sticky.

(dismantles the entire keyboard, realizes that he has no mechanical skills, and reconstructs the keyboard, badly)

KEITH: Well, anyway, let's get some work done. Wait! What's that I hear outside? Why, it's a bird chirping! How glorious!

(sits by the window and tries to spot the bird. it turns out to be his neighbor, lurking in the bushes. he throw some breadcrumbs into the neighbor's open mouth)

KEITH: Okay, I really have to get this done!

(types, "this movie was da bomb! I really liked when Cheech fell into the tar pit and . . .")

(the phone rings)

KEITH: Hello . . . No, I actually haven't considered switching to AT&T, but I encourage you to go to on at great length in an attempt to persuade me to do so.

(etc.)

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