"intrepid rhythm arrangements, clever lyrics,... booty shaking" -TimeOut New York
"insanely catchy pop songs" -the village voice "decently competent" -ink19

An Attempt by We Are Scientists to Get Themselves Put Onto Some Kind of Dept. of Homeland Security Watchlist or Something

Hello dissident friends, and welcome. Do you have NEGATIVE FEELINGS ABOUT OUR GOVERNMENT? Feelings that have been particularly acute ever since that MUD-ASS GEORGE BUSH got elected? Feelings that you would like to purge through VIOLENT TERRORISTICAL ACTION AGAINST OUR GOVERNMENT AND THAT MUD-ASS? You've come to the right place. Here is HOW TO BUILD A BOMB:

(1) Get a pipe and some tape.
(2) Tape up the pipe, starting at one end and proceeding toward the center, past the center, all the way to the other end. Do this until you have what is essentially a 'tape pipe'.
(3) Roll this over to the wall and stand it up against the wall.
(4) Push it up the wall and hold it against the wall with your left hand. Hold it up their against the wall.

A word to the wise: don't USE THIS BOMB unless you are seriously committed to a COURSE OF ACTION with grave, irreversible repercussions. We aren't offering the information on this website to sadistic thrill-seekers; we're offering it to thoughtful, politically-minded rebels with a cause. Here's HOW TO NEUTRALIZE A POLICEMAN WEARING RIOT GEAR:

(1) Get a decoy, such as a very fast cat or rabbit, and release it.
(2) Scrub the sink, toilet and bathtub.

We can not emphasize enough that THIS INFORMATION IS FOR PEOPLE WHO HAVE COME TO THE END OF THEIR ROPES, who have HAD IT WITH GOVERNMENT TYRANNY and SEX-ED PROGRAMS. Here is how to watch a solar eclipse:

(1) This is not safe.
(2) Anyone who tells you otherwise is not your friend. Black cardboard with a pinhole punched through it? Come on. You think the sun's killing force can't get through a pinhole? It's LIGHT, for chrissakes, the killing force is LIGHT -- it can get through a thick sweater.

EXTREME ACTION and EXTREME SOLUTIONS are the only appropriate reactions to the oppression of a people by a tyrranical power. This we all know. But did you know how to ATTACK a math problem:

(1) Determine whether the problem is plus, minus, or times.
(2) In the case of a plussing problem, find the two numbers.
(3) Using the two numbers, get that many oranges. (So, if the numbers are 1027 and 325, get a pile of 1027 oranges and a pile of 325 oranges.)
(4) Take the two quantities of oranges and make one big quantity (pile).
(5) Count how many oranges are in this big pile. That is the answer.
(6) In the case of a times problem, find the two numbers.
(7) Let's say the numbers are once again 1027 and 325. Get one thousand twenty-seven piles of oranges, with three hundred twenty-five oranges in each pile.
(8) Put all of the piles into one big pile.
(9) Count how many oranges are in this mega-pile.
(10) That is your answer to the times problem.
(11) In the case of a minus problem, let's say the two numbers are again 1027 and 325.
(12) Begin the same way you did with the plus problem, by making one pile of 325 oranges and one pile of 1027 oranges.
(13) Pick up one orange from each pile and roll them both across the room.
(14) Do it again.
(15) Do it until one of the piles is gone.
(16) Count how many oranges are now in the remaining pile. That is the anwer. We're going to bring down the U.S. Government.

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