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Scenes from the Boda Dome: General Huffy Discusses the New Weapon w/ Ratley (telephone transcript 26414.51, JUL/14/33)

ring ring...ring ring...ring ring

RATLEY: Hello. R&D.

HUFFY: General Huffy, here. I want the status on our new weapons system, ASAP.

RATLEY: Well, I can give it to you now, how's that? Is now good?

HUFFY: Yes. Report.

RATLEY: Okay, um, it's ready.

HUFFY: Why wasn't I told about this!

RATLEY: Well, when did you want to be told? We just finished it like twenty minutes ago.

HUFFY: I need to be brought up to speed on developments of this nature A-S-A-P, you got me Ratley? Absolutely A-S-A-P! Stat!

RATLEY: Well, when should we have told you?


RATLEY: Well...

HUFFY: Ratley, do you know what ASAP means?!

RATLEY: Yes, Gen-

HUFFY: It means as quickly as humanly possible! Do you get me!

RATLEY: Um, yeah, but that's not what ASAP means. It means as soon a-

HUFFY: Ratley I do not give a good god damn what you think! Not one good god damn, do you get me, Ratley?

RATLEY: Yes, General.

HUFFY: Do! You! Get me!!!

RATLEY: Yes. I don't know what else to say besides yes. Yes. Affirmative.

HUFFY: Ratley, I want you to report on the new weapons system ASAP.

RATLEY: Um, it's doing well. All, um...All systems go, I guess.

HUFFY: What is the exkrat?

RATLEY: Um, the exkrat? I'm not...I'm not sure wha-

HUFFY: Ratley! What is the Expected Kill Ratio, if you please!

RATLEY: Right, um...I would say good. Good to very good, I guess. Medium to high.

HUFFY: I need numbers, Ratley! Numbers!

RATLEY: Oh yeah, uhhhhmmmm.... three out of five, let's say. Or, uh, three point five.

HUFFY: What are you telling me, Ratley?! I need an accurate gauge of this weapon's destructive capability! It is your job to give me this gauge! Now please report on that gauge!

RATLEY: Okay, well, lemme just...I mean, I'd say pretty high, cuz, like, it's got the flame, um, parts, y'know...the things that shoot the flames. And then...well, the blade-dealies, the slice-n-dicer thingers.... plus, uh... that...fin...thing, um....with the feathers and the, uh...little, uh, dialer; the, the, rotary-dialer guy on there... I don't know, general, honestly, what the kilrat is. I'd say like a hundred percent. A hundred percent?

HUFFY: One hundred percent?! Outstanding, Ratley!! How soon can we deploy?!

RATLEY: Uh...I guess, I guess whenever you wanna come down and get it, you could, um, dep-, deploy it. I suppose.

HUFFY: Outstanding!

RATLEY: Okay. So-

HUFFY: Outstanding, Ratley!

RATLEY: Um, okay. So I'll just leave it out on the desk, and you can get it whenever. I'll probably be at lunch for the next hour or so, but if you want to come by, I'll just leave it on the desk, under a paper towel or something.

HUFFY: Outstanding, Ratley. You'll receive a medal for this, mark my words.

RATLEY: Okay. I'm gonna grab some lunch, then.

HUFFY: You'll get more than lunch, Ratley; you're going to receive a medal! What do you think of that!

RATLEY: Honestly? That sounds terrific, General. I'd- but I think I'm going to go eat real fast. If that's okay...

HUFFY: Go right ahead my friend--the Republic salutes you!

RATLEY: Yes. I salute them, uh... also.

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