"intrepid rhythm arrangements, clever lyrics,... booty shaking" -TimeOut New York
"insanely catchy pop songs" -the village voice "decently competent" -ink19




FRESH JIVE

WAS is regularly in receipt of requests for a new lingo, a new way of speaking. A typical enquiry: "Dear WAS, none of my friends talk as cool as you, and neither do I; won't you be so kind as to invent a lexicon we can use to communicate with each other and the greater community? There is nothing in this for you, save an altruist's warm satisfaction and the bodies and minds of my generation."

Your pleas have found a warm reception, for we are very arrogant and like the idea of shaping America's most beautiful minds, who spend their nights obediently nudging our hit-counter. Forthwith, the first descriptions of what will eventually grow to be a comprehensive vernacular, used with equal facility by senators and sailors, 6 year-olds and street vermin. We'll begin today with common terms useful in everyday conversation.

Snarf - to steal and eat, to eat without permission. E.g.: "I hope you don't mind my snarfing your nuts, your peanuts." "I was saving them for my dying sister." "I see." Those comfortable using language figuratively may do so with "snarf" by invoking its alternate meaning, Unauthorized Adoption of Another's Mannerisms or Idiosyncracies, as in, "Man, that guy totally snarfed that other guy's steez." "Yes. Yes he did." "Right?" "Yes. I already said yes."

Pellets - food. E.g.: "You don't have any pellets, do you? I'm starving." "Yes, you must quite literally be starving! I mean, you've just been rescued after 8 days of wandering through these woods without food or map, you having lost your way at the National Park's entrance during what was intended to be a day-hike. So yes, of course, have these pellets here for now, and then when the helicopter touches down in civilization, me and the boys'll take you out for some of the best Italian pellets you'll ever eat at this place I know." "Thank you."

Water head - a stupid person, imbecile. E.g.: "Oh MAN, you're an idiot! Good God!! Let me feel of your head ... let me hold it in my hands and sort of heft it ... okay, relax your neck so I can heft it and get a feel for what it weighs ... Yeah, see? It's actually normal head-weight, and yet you are so stupid that we can rule out the possibility of there being brains in there, even pig brains, so I'm guessing what you've got is basically a water jug up there on top of your neck. You water brain." "Doctor, that child suffers from hydrocephalus -- he was quite literally born without a brain. I think you owe the family an apology. They are on the other side of that two-way mirror." "Yes. Yes, of course. Pardon me. It's just that he couldn't answer even the simplest questions correctly." "Or at all, I should imagine. His head is full of water." "Then my diagnosis was correct and I'm not sure I see the problem. Good day."

Traditionalist - one who prefers a good old-fashioned hanging to modern entertainments. E.g.: "Stan, buddy, a couple of us are going to get together and drive over to the mall and see a movie in the theaters there. You in?" "No man, no. I'm a bit of a traditionalist, I guess." "Well, I don't think they really do that anymore, dude. Maybe in third world countries or something." "Then I'll accompany you to the movies. Is Dog Soldiers on?" "Yes, dude. It's what we're going to see." "Great. Let's go. The sooner we begin watching Dog Soldiers the better."

Achingly beautiful - sad, pathetic, nave. E.g.: "Look, I guess ... sniffle sniffle ... I guess I just thought that if we worked at it, if we stuck to our commitment to each other over everything else ...sob ... that ... that what we'd end up with would be more valuable than anything we might have given up to be with each other ... sniffle sniffle ..." "Wow. That is just achingly beautiful."

Dog Soldier - one of a group of werewolves who operate within a military command structure/hierarchy. E.g.: "[voice quavering] All I know is... sob... it's like they were working t-t-together, y'know? These... these wolves were organized, Sir, I mean... they anticipated us..." "Okay, now just slow down, son. You're telling this committee that 119 soldiers -- your entire platoon -- were wiped out by a pack of wolves? That these wolves were, were somehow organized?" "With all due respect, General, your man's telling the truth. We've seen this before. In the Balkans. A unit of Dog Soldiers wiped out my entire regiment. More like three regiments, actually. In like an hour." "Wait wait wait, hold on ... Daw-...Dog Soldiers?" "It's what their jackets say, General. Their leather jackets. Like biker jackets. Say 'Dog Soldiers' on the back. Very cool." "Sounds it."

Hasbro, Hasbuddy - Friend, pal. E.g.: "Hey! What's up, hasbro?" "Ho ho ho! What Is UP, hasbuddy!!?"





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