"intrepid rhythm arrangements, clever lyrics,... booty shaking" -TimeOut New York
"insanely catchy pop songs" -the village voice "decently competent" -ink19




Minor Alterations to Song Lyrics Followed by Evaluation of Merit


Living on a Prayer, Bon Jovi
What if JBJ had settled on the word 'layer' before he reached 'prayer' in his rhyming dictionary?

original:
WHOA-OH, we're halfway there,
WHOA-OOH! Livin' on a prayer.
Take my hand, we'll make it I swear,
WHOA-OOH! Livin' on a prayer.

now this:
WHOA-HO! We're halfway they-er,
WHOA-HOOO!!! Livin' on a layer.
Take my hand, we'll make it I sway-er,
WHOA-HOOO!!! Livin' on a layer...

EVALUATION:
What does Jovi mean by 'layer' here? Take my hand, we'll make it I swear; we're living on a layer. Of what? Does he mean like a different layer of reality because they're so in love? So, in a sense, when you're that in love you can't really lose? You're like on a totally different 'layer'? This is a strong change. It replaces a fairly clichéd sentiment with the fresh notion of living on a separate layer.


When the Fire Burns Over the Seas, Atrocity
What if these German metal gods had gone with 'hounds' instead of 'areas' in the opening verse of their fan fave When the Fire...?

original:
The Earth has suffered since the day
As mankind went insane
Children are playing on infected grounds
Fish and birds are shooed out of their areas

or this:
The Earth has suffered since the day
As mankind went insane
Children are playing on infected grounds
Fish and birds are shooed away by hounds

EVALUATION:
We love Atrocity, but we've always felt that songwriter Gunther Grass chickened out a little bit at the end of this verse. 'Areas' is the kind of weak, non-descriptive catch-all word best left to folk bands; Atrocity is better than that. The idea of replacing that vague descriptor with a concrete detail like hounds chasing things is sure tempting; the fact that 'hounds' rhymes with 'grounds' makes it irresistable.


Nookie, Limp Bizkit
What if the word 'Nookie' were replaced with 'Rookie'? Huh? What if?

original:
I did it all for the Nookie (huh?)
The Nookie (what?)
So you can take that cookie
And shove it up your (whoa!), shove it up your (hey!), shove it up your (wha!)

or is this maybe better:
I did it all for the Rookie! (who?)
The Rookie! (oh!)
So you can take that cookie
And shove it up your (ya!), shove it up your (drat!), shove it up your (ya!)

EVALUATION:
Who's this 'rookie'? Is he the new recruit? The new percussion guy who also goes 'scratchy scratchy' on the record player? If so then this is a pretty interesting change. The idea that Durst went through the motions of dating a girl just for the Rookie's sake is pretty affecting. It casts Durst as a considerate role model who's aware that his romantic habits are likely to rub off on the younger members of his band, and that it's therefore his responsibility to show the Rookie how things are done around camp Bizkit. The latter half of the chorus would then seem to be directed to a Bizkit hanger-on who's offering Durst a cookie as payment for dating a girl, possibly his own sister. "Screw you, dude," says Durst, "I did it for the Rookie, so he'd know that what goes on OUTside the sack is just as important as what goes on INside the sack, expecially if what you're trying to do is make sure to pee right before you go to bed so you don't wake up in the morning with a damp, naughty surprise."


Casey Jones, The Grateful Dead
What if the Dead had gone with these important changes...

original
Drivin' that train
High on cocaine
Casey Jones you better
watch your speed
Trouble ahead
Trouble behind
and you know that notion
just crossed my mind

Friend-on-my-tip remix:
Drivin' that train
High on propane
Just about that time I think I
DROPPED MY BEANS
Doubled my hands
Doubled my eyes
Still not quite an octopus,
not quite a fly

EVALUATION:
The f-o-m-t remix has a nice specificity to the lyrics that was critically lacking in the original 'Casey Jones' -- the last four lines of the original are pretty much gibberish. A good story is about watching characters change and adapt: in the remix, we watch the narrator undergo an interesting change, and that adds a sense of progress. Also, propane is a far more plausible drug for a train conductor to be abusing -- fact is, they can't afford cocaine. The original 'Casey' contains the ominous warning that Casey Jones had better 'watch [his] speed'. But how much more troubling than this gentle reminder is the idea that Casey is so f'ed up from inhaling all that propane that he has dropped his precious beans.