The thing that we had - the thing with the writing of Schwarzeneggerian taunts in exchange for prizes and prestige and vainglory - is now over. We are washing our hands of this business, from now on. This was too much trouble, and while the benefits were great - look at these quotes! these unbelievably amusing and disturbing quotes! - the cost to our psyches was enormous. The dishonesty, it was staggering. Look at you people, you people with your voting over and over for yourselves, with no more shame than is exhibited by your average ant as it (along with its posse) washes over a man and skeletonizes him. Before we name the hero of this episode, we would first like extend a special thanks to Ookla and Doc, two upstanding individuals who were humble and honest enough to admit that their lousy quotes were unworthy of even their own votes. Good job, kids. Not on the quotes, mind you - just the honesty. The quotes were stinky.
But so anyway, who won this thing, this awful, beautiful contest? Let's take a look at the numbers:
Yeah, it was Malcolm. Malcolm took that ball and ran with it. He just ran and ran and ran - aimlessly, he ran. But also vigorously. Vigorously, he ran. What vigor! we shouted upon reading Malcolm's quotes, and we assume that a nation agreed, because the votes are with him. Just like the votes were with the startlingly simian Commander-in-Chief of our Country. Malcolm is the George W. Bush of the WAS nation, and we will follow him to ruination.
Before we wrap this up and allow you to move on to browsing the almost pornographically arousing "photos" page on the website, we'd just like to point out how close this race was. The Pope, a close second, lost it by only 1/2 of a point. 1/2 point?! How is this possible, we ask? The answer, we assume, is that the technology is working for us. Somebody who voted was actually only half a person, or at least only voted half-heartedly, and the computer recognized this, marking the score as such! What intelligence these machines have now! What vigor!