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You gruesome beauties, The internet. It's what everybody seems to be talking about lately. "Oh, Charles, I was on the INTERNET the other day and I flat out had a BLAST!" "I know just what you mean, Cindy. I was on the internet that same day and I FUCK!NG LOVED IT! Big fan!" You're interested, but also skeptical. Just another fad along the lines of CapriSun, slap bracelets, automotive travel? Maybe. Maybe you should give it a try and decide for yourself. Herewith, the perfect place to start: As of today, our U.S.-only NOBODY MOVE E.P. is available at the iTunes music store -- 99 cents for the title track, scheduled for release as our first U.S. single later this fall; same price for each of the flavorful b-sides, MUCHO MAS and HISTORY REPEATS, which will never be released here in any other format. Go there. Acquire these things. They are digital and therefore take up very little space, yet they are warm and smell delightful. http://phobos.apple.com/WebObjects/MZStore.woa/wa/viewAlbum?playlistId=79390021 ------------- Quickly, and in addition: We'll be doing some North American shows in mid-September; Toronto, New York, Boston, Detroit and other reputable cities yet to be cemented. ------------- http://www.wearescientists.com -- blowing your damn mind away out the front of your face, gently ------------------------------------------------------
You well-meaning werewolves, We know that you hate festivals. It only makes sense that you would: the huge crowds, the uncomfortable accommodations, the volcanic lakes of mud and poo that form at the first sign of rain. But now, you've got no choice: you're heading to the Carling Reading and Leeds festivals, and you will love every fecally wealthy moment of it. Why, you ask, with that sardonic, post-graduate smirk on your face? Because We Are Scientists are on this year's bill, that's why. Now, queue up - the feel-good summer event of the year has just been handed to you on a silver platter. Details: Reading Festival Friday 26 Carling Tent 5:00 pm Leeds Festival Saturday 27 Carling Tent 4:30 And another thing. We'll be playing a five-song set at the Tiscali tent at Reading on 26/8. We can only allow 15 people into the tent, so we'll keep a list of everyone who emails tiscali@wearescientists.com and the first 15 of you who appear at the tent will be allowed in. Please put "Tiscali" in the subject line of your email and include your full name so we can put you on the list. These dates also feature some other bands about whom you may have begun to hear positive whisperings, including The Pixies and The Killers. No? No recognition? Check them out, maybe you can say you saw them "way back when." Also, you mustn't ever forget about the Sept/Oct tour that we've worked out with the sweet little geniuses in Editors. We know them; they'll be insanely pissed if you forget. September Tue 27 Nottingham / Rescue Rooms Wed 28 Manchester / Academy 2 Thu 29 Liverpool University Fri 30 Newcastle / Northumbria University October Sat 1 Glasgow / Garage Mon 3 Leeds / Cockpit Tue 4 Sheffield / Zero Wed 5 Cambridge / Junction Fri 7 Birmingham / Irish Center Sat 8 Oxford / Zodiac Sun 9 Bristol / Fiddlers Mon 10 London / Astoria Tue 11 Portsmouth / Wedgewood Rooms wearescientists.com is your gateway to unbridled passion ------------------------------------------------------
You slippery ruffians, WE ARE SCIENTISTS + EDITORS = Incomparable Pleasure and Contentment. This Fall, make it yours. Several of these shows have already sold out, officially making now the time to act. Behold: SEPTEMBER Tues 27 Nottingham Rescue Rooms Wed 28 Manchester Academy 2 Thurs 29 Liverpool University Fri 30 Newcastle Northumbria University OCTOBER Sat 1 Glasgow Garage Mon 3 Leeds Cockpit Tues 4 Sheffield Zero Wed 5 Cambridge Junction Fri 7 Birmingham Irish Centre Sat 8 Oxford Zodiac Sun 9 Bristol Fiddlers Mon 10 London Astoria Tues 11 Portsmouth Wedgewood Rooms ------------------------------------------------------
You doe-eyed convicts, The time for spreading facts like rain drops upon your sun-cracked minds is here; now let us hose you down. First, our new single, THE GREAT ESCAPE, will be in stores October 3rd. Before then you'll hear it around, maybe even see the video, in which -- no kidding! -- the three of us do a nude shower scene. No kidding. Let that fact wash over you. Absorb it. Stream THE GREAT ESCAPE video here: WINDOWS HIGH http://boss.streamos.com/wmedia/virg001/we_are_scientists/video/with_love_and_squalor/was_great_escape_hi.asx?siteid=intl WINDOWS LOW http://boss.streamos.com/wmedia/virg001/we_are_scientists/video/with_love_and_squalor/was_great_escape_lo.asx?siteid=intl REAL HIGH http://boss.streamos.com/real/virg001/we_are_scientists/video/with_love_and_squalor/was_great_escape_hi.ram?siteid=intl REAL LOW http://boss.streamos.com/real/virg001/we_are_scientists/video/with_love_and_squalor/was_great_escape_lo.ram?siteid=intl ...and its audio sidecar here: REAL http://boss.streamos.com/real/virg001/we_are_scientists/audio/with_love_and_squalor/was_the_great_escape_00.ram?siteid=intl WINDOWS MEDIA http://boss.streamos.com/wmedia/virg001/we_are_scientists/audio/with_love_and_squalor/was_the_great_escape_00.asx?siteid=intl Fact 2 is that in a scant two weeks begins THE U.K.'s ERODING RESISTANCE TOUR, which will see us meeting you in a dark, romantically lit club and playing you some songs that we wrote about you. Here's our appointment calendar; let us know which time works best: August Wed 17 Cambridge / Portland Arms Thu 18 London / Metro Fri 19 Wolverhampton / Little Civic Sat 20 Stoke / Underground (Club NME) Mon 22 Manchester / Bierkeller (Club NME) Tue 23 Birmingham / Custard Factory (Club NME) Wed 24 Leeds / Warehouse (Club NME) Thu 25 Nottingham / Stealth (Club NME) *Friday 26 Reading, UK / Reading & Leeds Festival / Carling Tent *Saturday 27 Leeds, UK / Reading & Leeds Festival / Carling Tent Mon 29 Newcastle / Cluney Tue 30 York / Fibbers Wed 31 Glasgow / King Tut's September Thu 1 Aberdeem / Kef Fri 2 Liverpool / Barfly Sat 3 Bristol / Louisiana Mon 5 London / Barfly Wed 7 London / Notting Hill Arts Centre (Death Disco) Thu 8 Peterborough / Met Lounge Fri 9 Turnbridge / Wells Forum Sat 10 London / Mean Fiddler (Frog) Notice (*) that we're playing READING & LEEDS. That is Fact 3. It was really just a part of Fact 2. Learning facts can be very simple sometimes if you really WANT to learn them. If you yearn for more information to pack into your brain like a child pressing sunflower seeds into a ball of clay, go here: http://www.wearescientists.com *************** *************** SECTION 2 OF THIS EMAIL: "The New W.A.S. Mailing List" A new era has dawned for the W.A.S. email list. Now when people sign up, they can give us their country (and zip code in the U.S.); then we send them only the emails that are relevant to their area. Yeah. It's g.d. brilliant. But so if you signed up before about two weeks ago, as many of you did, we don't have that geographical datum attached to your address, and you're still getting all emails. So for example, you, Millie Vespa, out there in that handsome suburb of Sioux Falls, Iowa, are getting this email about goings on in the fair United Kingdom. Maybe you don't mind that, and maybe you do. The point is that the power now rests in your hands, Millie -- and in the hands of the rest of you -- to add a location to our files so that you'll only get emails concerning your area. All you have to do is sign up again for the email list; the new info will replace the old. Here is where you go to do that: http://wearescientists.com/list/ That's also where you go to unsubscribe. Now go! And great luck to you and your pets and children and the children of your pets' children! ------------------------------------------------------
You Trigger-Mad Pacifists, Summer is upon us, and we have elected to spend as little time as possible in our beloved home port, because to walk the streets of New York City during the summertime is to be steam-cleaned and yet to become dirtier. Being a band, we can most plausibly explain our absence by going on a tour. Therefore behold... The Get Out of New York and Stay Out Summer Tour of 2005 **Take a close look at the following dates. Some slots in the U.S. leg are unfirm; check the website in the coming weeks to verify that our show in your beautiful, comparatively arid hometown is in fact actually truly happening for real.** U.K. -------- JUNE Sun 12 Peterbrough / Met. Lounge (Oops! You missed it!) Mon 13 York / Fibbers (**TONIGHT!**) Tues 14 Huddersfield / Cornerhouse Wed 15 Leicester / Charlotte Thu 16 London / Club Fandango @ Borderline Fri 17 Brighton / Engine Room Sat 18 London / Barfly (Out with The Old) Sun 19 Middlesbrough / Music Live Festival Mon 20 Leeds / Josephs Well Tues 21 Liverpool / Barfly Thu 23 Glasgow / Barfly Fri 24 Newcastle / Northumbria University (Bulletproof) Sat 25 Stoke / Underworld (Club NME) Mon 27 Manchester / Bierkeller (Club NME) Tues 28 Birmingham / Club HQ (Club NME) Wed 29 Wolverhampton / Little Civic Thu 30 Nottingham / Stealth (Club NME) JULY Fri 1 Cardiff / Barfly Sat 2 London / Barfly (Kill Em all Let God Sort It Out) U.S. -- featuring Co-Headliners BISHOP ALLEN -------- JULY Sat 9 New York, NY / Mercury Lounge Sun 10 Pittsburgh, PA / tba Mon 11 Cleveland, OH / Grog Shop Tue 12 Columbus, OH / Bernies Wed 13 tba Thu 14 Dayton, OH / Elbo's Fri 15 Lansing, MI / Mac's Sat 16 Chicago, IL / tba Sun 17 tba Mon 18 Minneapolis, MN / 400 Bar Thu 21 Seattle, WA / High Dive Fri 22 Portland, OR / tba Sat 23 Eugene, OR / Wow Hall Sun 24 San Jose, CA / tba Mon 25 San Francisco, CA / Independent Tue 26 Los Angeles, CA / tba Wed 27 Los Angeles, CA / tba Thu 28 Tucson, AZ / Plush Fri 29 tba Sat 30 Austin, TX / Emo's Sun 31 Dallas, TX / tba AUGUST Mon 1 Norman, OK / The Opolis Tue 2 tba Wed 3 tba Thu 4 Nashville, TN / tba Fri 5 Columbia, SC / New Brooklin Tavern Sat 6 Carrboro, NC / Cat's Cradle Sun 7 Washington, DC / Velvet Room --------------------- CAN'T MAKE ANY OF THESE DATES? Fear not: even the bedridden can enjoy We Are Scientists. NAB THE SINGLE! On June 27th, the 'Nobody Move, Nobody Get Hurt' single is released in the U.K. on CD and 7" vinyl. A limited-run printing of the single will be made available to U.S. listeners in July at shows and via the website. New t-shirt designs will be available at all shows (and on the site by end of June). WANDER THE SITE! The website will undergo construction for improved clarity, beauty, functionality, and general compatibility with your mind. Look forward to more frequent updates, a page for fan covers, laser fast discussion boards, and, like we were telling you before, improved compatibility with your mind. READ MUSIC PRESS OBSESSIVELY! Keep an eye open this summer for ramped up media coverage of the non-phenomenon that is W.A.S. We've been doing a lot of question-answering lately, and can only assume that it'll get printed up in one music news source or another. Take as an example this trenchant piece, published just last week: http://www.groovestealer.co.uk/1july2005/0.htm ------------------------------------------------------
You crooked ramrods, We're back from two weeks in the United Kingdom. Did you know that in the UK, power drips from the sockets at a wattage of 220? TWICE the watts walls burp out here in the states. Does this make a difference in the way a band plays a rock show? F*cking of course it does. It ups the ante twofold. It doubles the size of the mule. It creates a situation where if you don't play at minimum twice as well, nothing deadly or threatening happens to you, no, but you are branded a godd*mn sucker, trust us. We are prepared to show you what we've learned. ------------------ CBGBs Friday, April 15 16 + $8 Midnight (8:00 doors) --------- Come early; reading over this bill causes shivers in even the most jaded combatants: Philadelphia's most potent force, THE TEETH (8:00) Our soul mates, BISHOP ALLEN (9:00) LOCKSLEY, whose live show will scuttle your mind (10:00) LA LAQUE, whose lovely pop is sung in French and everything (11:00) ------------------ ------------------ This weekend on the News site: our encounter with the people of the UK: a debriefing both fickle and dishonest -- http://www.wearescientists.com ------------------------------------------------------
A couple of quick points, you mouse-shaped kittens; quick, but serious as the sword: (1) This Saturday, Dec. 18, the We Are Scientists play a particularly vigorous set (containing two brand new songs) at one of New York's most enjoyable independent music venues, Mercury Lounge. We do this in order to celebrate the release of our new E.P., THE WOLF'S HOUR, as delightful a collection of songcraft as you're likely to encounter this holiday season. Take note: we go on fairly early -- 8 pm. Try to be out of bed by 6 pm, 6:30 at the latest. SATURDAY Dec. 18 @Mercury Lounge 217 E. Houston St. (corner of Ave. A & Houston) **8 pm** $8 21+ -------- Followed directly by a little band goes by the name of BISHOP F_CKING ALLEN, making this the exact wrong show to miss. Also playing are THE BREAK-UP, THE TWENTY TWOS, and SAINTS & LOVERS (form. The Sons of Sound). (2) Our website, known to some as The Sci-Cave, to some by other less embarrassing names, has a new feature called "You can buy THE WOLF'S HOUR" and one called "You can buy t-shirts". Yes, t-shirts are back, praise be. THE WOLF'S HOUR will ship after Saturday's release but no later than Jan. 1. For expedited shipping, ask nicely and you'll probably prevail. -------- http://www.wearescientists.com/merch.html ------------------------------------------------------
Freedom Lovers, This Friday, the We Are Scientists will put our guitars, drums, and howls in service of a favorite pet project: Living in a country where a man, woman, or child is in charge, not an escaped zoo ape. There will be a party, a pot-luck of sorts: we will bring our stage moves, comedic types will bring the jokes, DJs will bring the breakdancing music, you bring enticing bulges in your shirt and/or pants, and we'll all throw in that $5 we were just gonna spend on terrorist-hunting supplies anyway. ---------------- Friday, July 23 @ The Tank (42nd st. b/n 9 & 10 Ave.) 10 p.m. $5 We Are Scientists + Red River Gun Club + Comedy(?) + DJs(!) + the full suite of Brooklyn Brewery solutions + undertones of political urgency + a beer garden full of taut, tipsy non-Republicans = The 60's, pretty much!!! ---------------- Prez Bush extends you an official invite here: http://www.wearescientists.com/invite072304.html ---------------- All monies go to NYC Swingers: http://nycswingers.net/ ---------------- ------------------------------------------------------
You beloved pariahs: It's true, there's a god_mn show about to happen, and it's going to be totally outrageous the way we manipulate your emotions from the stage using instruments that have been around for fifty or more years, and yet never have you been manipulated this way. With a careful flick of his open A string, Chris will bring your world crashing down around your ears. Then, strategically timing the brush of a high D major 7 chord, Keith will send butterflies of euphoria flapping around your rib cage and braincase. Finally, Michael will bring you to completion using a goofy tintinnabulation of the cymbals that leaves your pubic bone vibrating at middle C. BONUS FOR LOSERS WHO FORGOT TO LIVE IN NEW YORK: You can watch this show on your computor using new computor technology known as "Live Streaming Web Feed Video Stream Tactic". Just go to CBGB's computor web page (http://cbgb.com/) on Friday night and click on the Virtual Buttons you are told to click on. Voilá! It's like you're at the show except you can't tell how good we smell! ----------------- ----------------- FRIDAY, January 21 CBGB (315 Bowery between 1st and 2nd Street) Midnight (doors at 8) 16+ $10 --------- w/ Bishop Allen (11pm), The Vitamen, The Oggs, & Locksley --------- Dip your face in chocolate: http://www.bishopallen.com/ Experience the Vitamen: http://www.angelfire.com/boybands/thevitamen/ Get your Locksley on: http://www.bandoflocksley.com/ --------- Here there be directions to CBGB: http://cbgb.com/directions.htm ----------------- ----------------- Own your fate! Without it, you are literally already dead! ----------------- ----------------- http://www.wearescientists.com , now featuring up to the minute news coverage of the making of our full-length album, a tasty preview of this spring's show schedule, a spin-free review of New York City's weather, and the ability to sound off on our message board and be heard by dozens of your peers but never, ever a member of the band! ------------------------------------------------------
Amateur magicians, We understand what it can be like. We understand that for someone starting out in magic, the most daunting barrier to advancement is the cost of all the supplies, specifically, all the supplies you must make disappear. You rarely get those back. Sure, you saw a lot of coffins in half, but they can be nailed back together. But whereas making things disappear is pretty easy, making them reappear takes years of practice. All those rabbits lost. All those wallets and children and, again, rabbits, gone for good. It is through our profound understanding of your plight that We Are Scientists has contrived to give you a rare break. This Saturday night at Trash Bar from 9 to 10 pm, you can disappear as many drinks as you like without a second thought to where they've gone. ---------------- Saturday August 14 at Trash Bar (256 Grand Street/Williamsburg) 9:30, We Are Scientists 9:00-10:00, open bar $7 w/ the inimitable Tomorrow's Friend at 10:30, and the incorrigable Bishop Allen at 11:30 ---------------- The stunning poster, designed by Eamonn Fitzmaurice: http://www.wearescientists.com/ ---------------- http://www.tomorrowsfriend.com/ http://www.bishopallen.com/ http://www.thetrashbar.com/ ---------------- Take the L train to Bedford Ave (1st stop from Manhattan). Head South (left) on Bedford to Grand Street. Point left and walk that direction on Grand 2 blocks, to 256 Grand. ------------------------------------------------------
You who know that the only safe sex is cross-species: tWAS is back, after nearly (more than?) a month of absence from the gdamn scene. BUT! Our next show, which is this Friday, features you and your friends on rollerskates and us flaying our guitars and hammering our drums in that way that glasses your pretty eyes. -------------------- Friday, July 9th 9 pm Rock 'n' Rollerskate @ Office Ops (see bottom) $5 gets you W.A.S., The Hong Kong, and These Bones -------------------- Touch the official invite, which features our most trusted snakehead: http://wearescientists.com/invite070904.html (Office Ops is in Williamsburg. Williamsburg is part of Brooklyn, one of New York City's boroughs. New York City is a very famous city; we'll be very surprised if you haven't heard of it. New York City is located in New York state, which is convenient. New York is one of the 50 states that make up Canada. Here is how to get to Office Ops: Take the L to the Morgan Ave stop in Brooklyn. Leave through the Morgan Ave exit at the front of the train coming from Manhattan, and use the right hand stairs as you exit the station. Walk on Morgan Ave south towards the firehouse on the right, crossing Grattan St. At the next block, make a left onto Thames Street. 57 is the last steel door on the left. Push buzzer 2 for OfficeOps. See also a SUPER 3D map at the Office Ops site: http://officeops.org/directions/) ------------------------------------------------------
Disciples of the snakehead: It has been exactly a week and a half since the last We Are Scientists show, and you're starting to get the shakes. And you're essentially incapable of digesting the fact that the NEXT show, your next opportunity to feel the only truly solid rock, will not come for another three weeks. "THREE WEEKS!!" you shriek. You undoubtedly feel like a child who, on a bet offered by incredulous friends, is now attempting to swim from one end of the olympic swimming pool to the other, underwater, no breaths. Your chest feels pinched, your strokes are clipped and getting less effective, and you're not even halfway there. You suddenly think with limitless gratitude on the air just a couple feet above, and strain to remember what the urgency of staying under was in the first place. But just as you begin to surface, and as the jeers of your buddies grow louder, we secretly offer you this small tank of air, containing half a dozen breaths at most, just enough to get you to the other side: --Ask Your Doctor About We Are Scientists-- preview the album, download the video, learn relevant facts and figures at http://www.wearescientists.com (or stream the songs directly from this email Great Escape - http://www.wearescientists.com/songs/stream/greatescape.m3u Scene Is Dead - http://www.wearescientists.com/songs/stream/sceneisdead.m3u This Means War - http://www.wearescientists.com/songs/stream/thismeanswar.m3u) ------------------------------------------------------
You scalded little newborns, This Saturday, the We Are Scientists, before hundreds of writhing fans, will attempt to set a world record in the category of Best We Are Scientists Show. Cancel your plans, tear up your plane tickets, punch your goat, abdicate the throne, *, and hit this show. Saturday, June 5 9:30 pm at The Tank (42nd St. b/n 9 and 10th aves.) $1 featuring also Bishop Allen, a DJ, free pie, cheap beer, a magician, a comedian, and your future spouse see the official invite, starring a dog for chrissakes: http://www.wearescientists.com/invite060504.html get a bead on where exactly this "Tank" is located: http://www.thetanknyc.com/ * getcha ass to Mahs -- We hope YOU immediately recognize this quote from Total Recall, but sadly most people don't [cf. USA Today poll 'Life Stats', 1/24/2004 -ed], so it was relegated to the gutter down here, where true fans can delight in private. That's right, if you haven't seen Total Recall, you're not a fan of WAS - don't kid yourself. ------------------------------------------------------
You crass little hippos: This Thursday, the We Are Scientists return to Sin-e for a mind-searing feature event that only fools and misanthropes will want to miss: Thursday, May 20 Sin-e (150 Attorney St. at Stanton, Lower East Side o' Manhattan) 10 pm $8 ------- • enjoy your official invite here: http://www.wearescientists.com/invite052004.html • get directions to Sin-e here: http://www.sin-e.com The rest of the bill comprises Rinse (@8), Grand Mal (@9), and For Real For Real (@11). We've never seen any of these fellers, but we've heard Grand Mal and think they're something to show up for and see, if you're into stretching your admission dollar. You can listen to mp3s on their website (http://www.grandmal.com) to decide for yourself if it's worth waking up at 7 pm instead of 8 so you can make it for their set. ------------------------------------------------------
There is some serious sh!t going down this Friday; let us usher you into the know: the We Are Scientists at Lit with The Desperation and Tomorrow's Friend show starts @8, WAS @9 five bucks see the official invitation for laffs, thrills, and more information: http://www.wearescientists.com/invitemay7.gif ------------------------------------------------------
Hello, everybutty, and welcome -- welcome to the wonderful world of "email", meaning "electric mail", or maybe just "extremely awesome mail", right? How cool is this? Now don't panic, the world of email is actually not as intimidating as everybutty's been making it out to be; before you know it, you'll be using extremely awesome mail to communicate in seconds messages that used to take days using normal mail, or mere seconds with a phone. IN FACT, pat yourself on the back a healthy couple of times, because guess what? Fvcking, guess what? Fvcking, you're already using email RIGHT !! NOW !! Seriously. That's because this communique from your faves the We Are Scientists was sent via extremely awesome mail. Yes, tWAS "popped your email cherry", which for a lot of you ladies and many of you guys, too, is pretty ironic. So yeah, we are conveying these words to you via extremely awesome mail. Meaning that we wrote it JUST INSTANTS BEFORE YOU BEGAN READING IT, OR AT LEAST INSTANTS BEFORE YOU RECEIVED IT -- WHO KNOWS, IT MAY HAVE SATTED IN YOUR INBOX FOR WEEKS BEFORE YOU DISCOVERED IT. Yes, "satted". You'll get the hang of all the cool terminology soon enough. Right now, you need to focus on making the scene, man: **SATURDAY April 17** the We Are Scientists at The KNITTING FACTORY in the Old Office, 2 stories below ground and memory 8 pm $3 the show: http://www.wearescientists.com/shows2.html the Knitting Factory: http://www.knittingfactory.com/kfny/index.cfm quick, click on this: http://www.wearescientists.com hey, and if you haven't seen this bulldog, Tyson, skateboard -- yes, skateboard -- yet, get the f*** over to this page and watch the movie: http://64.70.241.114/ ------------------------------------------------------
Dearest - Just the briefest of notes, here, to advise you that the We Are Scientists Musical Enterprise will be Unbuckling the Monster(TM) this coming Friday night. Questions? Allow them to be answered by the following fine news sources: "One part rock show, one part total personality overhaul, one other different part rock show." - The Sacramento SnitchPaper "Witnessing the Unbuckling (of) the Monster(TM) by the We Are Scientists is like allowing a cat to pilot an airship: ultimately disastrous, but totally worth it (if only for the photos)." - The Miami NewsThing "What is Unbuckling the Monster(TM)? What does that mean? Is it any different from the We Are Scientists' regular rock show? No. No, I think it's not." - The Dallas Gunner-Dispatch Basically, people, we are just playing our rock music. But we are doing it with those kids in Bishop Allen. When we played a stretch of shows on the west coast with the BA, they blew our minds anew every evening. We ache for them, now, the way we used to ache for a sequel to Jeepers Creepers, before one actually came out and was only "okay." BA will never disappoint you like that, though, that's for sure. We Are Scientists Friday, March 12 at Lit 93 2nd Ave . NYC (2nd Ave & 5th St.) 9:00 pm $5 with Bishop Allen (our bff's) and The Confidence Men (from Boston) Afterwards, people with sweet-ass haircuts and tight-ass pants will be simultaneously dancing and sulking, because, remember, this is Lit we're talking about, here. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ You Enchanted Apes: Since you keep hemming and hawing about your weekend plans, W.A.S. has decided to step up and create for you an easy, impressive, cheap use of your time. You may be saying to yourself, not without excitement but also not without a little sarcasm, "Oh, could it be a we are scientists rock music show?" No it's not a we are scientists rock show! You're not big entertainment guys?!* No, what we're putting on this Saturday is a rock music show AND THEN SOME, where "then some" is greater than or equal to boisterous comedy, powerful drama, and a little desert-dry badinage over cocktails. Think of it as a party. At the Knitting Factory. With spectacular entertainments. Comfortable seating. Good friends. No charge 'cept for the gallons and gallons of acli-hall. Deez nuts and bolts: Saturday, February 28 Knitting Factory in the Old Office 74 Leonard Street New York City , NY 10013 8:00pm **FREE** (directions to Knitting Factory: http://www.knittingfactory.com/Directions/kfny_directions.cfm) * Baseketball reference, louts. Educate thyselves. ------------------------------------------------------
You know how, everywhere you look, you see people talking about you? They're, like, all aglow and bright eyed and practically teary-eyed with whatever adulatory things they're saying about you? Well, listen - those people aren't talking about YOU, you solipsistic wretch, they're talking about the mid-February We Are Scientists West Coast tour thing. Information follows: Sunday, February 15 Chain Reaction 1652 W. Lincoln Ave (west of Euclid) Anaheim, CA 7:00pm $8 Monday, February 16 Silverlake Lounge Silverlake, CA 9:00 pm Cost: FREE, people. Are you hearing this. It is FREE OF CHARGE. You see us for NO MONEY. Totally unjust, we think. Tuesday, February 17 CalTech Pasadena, CA 10:00pm Free with Bishop Allen Wednesday, February 18 the Zephyr, 1074 S. Virginia Reno, NV We know none of the info for this show. You might try calling them. Phone: 775-324-9853. w/Bishop Allen. Thursday, February 19 Old Ironsides. 1901 Tenth St. Sacramento, CA with Bishop Allen Friday, February 20 The Smith Campus Center at Pomona College 170 East 6th Street Claremont, CA 8pm Free with Bishop Allen and On the Speakers ------------------------------------------------------
Hey everyone: have you heard about how over at the state University of Michigan, kids are doling out BJs ‘sthough they were dime store lollipops? Well it’s true; read their manifesto: http://www.michigandaily.com/vnews/display.v/ART/2004/01/29/4018a0e315ca0 So here are the details of our show tonight: Thursday, February 5 Sin-e New York, NY 150 Attorney St. (just south of Houston near Ave. B, dummy) 8 o’clock for 8 dollars (doors at 7:30) Playing with us: The Swedes We’d love to see you all make it out, and we think you know very well what we’ll be giving out like dime store lollipops back there behind the club in that alley after the show! ------------------------------------------------------
To The Peoples: Yes, it's cold out. We all know that it's cold out. Enough with the whining about how it's cold and you can't take the cold and how, because it's so cold, your cheeks are flushed and your feet are blue and your ears, my god, your ears have shattered like fine china. You sound like a baby. Prove to us that you're not a baby, you baby - come to this show tomorrow: Saturday, January 17 WE ARE SCIENTISTS w/ the almighty BISHOP ALLEN (www.bishopallen.com) and the also-rather-mighty MOTEL BEDS at the Tank (in Times Sq. @ 432 W 42nd St. between 9th & 10th Aves.) 9 pm $5 Remember - if you don't come, everyone will know that it's only because you're a baby. Can you, with your already dubious reputation, afford to miss it? Quite frankly, what with your frequent naps and pabulum diet and near-constant pant-soiling, we don't think that you can. www.wearescientists.com ------------------------------------------------------
There is that time of year -- we call it Fall and it is upon us -- when things die. Mostly plants, to be fair; and yet there is a sense of death, of demise, even though none of us really gives much of a damn about plants when it comes down to it. Not one among us gives a sweet good filthy goddamn. Consider this, as We Are Scientists strafes, reaps, stomps through, nuzzles, grinds, withers and replenishes the autumnal California countryside over the next 10 days. Tell your friends: Friday, October 24 Groove at the Grove The Grove House, Pitzer College Claremont, CA Saturday, October 25 Spaceland 1717 Silver Lake Blvd. Los Angeles, CA with: The Incredible Moses Leroy, Telecast We go on: 9:00pm Saturday, October 25 CalTech Pasadena, CA We go on: Midnight Monday, October 27 Chain Reaction 1652 W. Lincoln Ave Anahem, CA 7:30pm. Tuesday, October 28 Occidental College Pasadena, CA Samuelson Pavillion 8pm Halloween - Friday, October 31 Alemeda High School's key Club benefit for UNICEF Alameda High School Alameda, CA Event time:7:00 - 11:00pm Saturday, Nov. 1 Grooveline, Pomona College Claremont, CA More information browsable at http://www.wearescientists.com/shows2.html ------------------------------------------------------
Hi, you - This is just a quick thing to let you know that Keith (Murray (of We Are Scientists)) is going to be playing a show in Claremont, CA on Friday. A solo, acoustic show. By himself. I know! It seems foolhardy! The actions of a madman! But what can we do - he's already agreed to play the show and spent the advance check. Not only is he duty-bound (which, to be honest, Keith finds a terrifically laughable concept, the concept of duty and honor and human goodwill), but he's legally bound, and Keith is nothing if not a man who lives in fear of the law and lawyers and legal texts. So, come to the show. For crying out loud, it's free! Keith can assure you that his solo show is, at best, only 1/3 as good as the average WAS show, but if you like your solo/acoustic music punctuated by plaintive apologies to the crowd, you will love this. Also, there will be a dance party afterward (really!), and (if Keith has anything to say about it) some gambling. so, then; that's: Keith Murray at the Grove House (Pitzer College) Claremont, California Friday, Sept. 26 8:30 pm free ------------------------------------------------------
This Friday, We Are Scientists presents: A Toast to: WILLIE 'COBRA' HALFMEAT a.k.a. The Potgut Ninja; a.k.a. Cobra Meat; a.k.a. The Merchant of Venice --------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Former shady government operative placed on permanent leave after The Malta Incident. Spent the 1990s conducting ficticious research on the horse problem in America. Coldblooded as a potted plant. Did two tours each in two wars no one's even heard of. Expert draftsman. Acute, desert-dry sense of fun. Coined the cliche "Stop trotting on that." Knowledge of the Marital Arts. World-renowned necktie menagerie. FRIDAY, SEPTEMBER 19th A Toast to Willie 'Cobra' Halfmeat @ The Tank 432 W. 42nd Street * 10 pm $3, all ages ----------------------------- Bands: we are scientists, the Occasion, the Desperation Comics: Eugene Mirman, Bobby Tisdale Outdoor beer & cigs garden: Yes Fun Factor: Off the goll-dang charts * Take the Red (1,2,3,9), Blue (A,E,C), or Yellow (W,Q,N,R) line to 42nd Street. Walk West. The Tank has a lime green awning and sits on the South side of the street between 9th and 10th avenues. follow these links at your own peril: http://www.wearescientists.com http://www.eugenemirman.com http://www.bobbytisdale.com ------------------------------------------------------
People - Did we forget to tell you about our show tomorrow? Did we? Forget? We're not willing to believe that such a thing is possible, especially considering the import of this show, which is in Boston. Which, like, automatically lends a little weight to the whole affair, right? I mean, wow: Boston. Home of some history, or something, are we right about that? Didn't something historical happen there at some point? Like something was signed, or someone took a tumble, or something? We don't know, because we've never been there. And it looks like we're going to find out the hard way, unless you people show up, or at least tell your Boston-area (Hey, Newton? Wassup, Cambridge? How's it hanging, um, East Cambridge? We don't know.) friends to do so. Don't you think that your Boston-area friends deserve a little heads-up on this sort of thing? They live in the Boston area, for crissakes. Here's the steez: Wednesday, August 6 The Middle East Cambridge, MA 472-480 Massachusetts Ave. with Scamper, Fooled By April, and Runner and the Thermodynamics, 18+, $9 Thanks, people. we are scientists www.wearescientists.com ------------------------------------------------------
we are scientists invites you to... A TOAST TO ARTHUR TITSENBALLS Friday, June 27th at The Tank 432 West 42nd St (between 9th and 10th Aves) Doors open at 8:00pm $3 w/ tits or balls Arthur Titsenballs -- tycoon, rake, heart donor. Come celebrate the man whom so many orphans wistfully refer to as "Dad" without realizing they mean him; the man scientists categorized as Homo Pantheris, per his grant's caveat; the man in whose honor these entertainment titans will assemble: We Are Scientists - demigods, rock stars, virile: the men of WAS are none of these things. But they get up there and they do their best, and in the audience people often swoon. There's no explaining this kind of magic. Bishop Allen - beautiful indie rock from the attractive kids whose album was given four of Rolling Stone's review staff's best stars. Hit http://www.bishopallen.com to listen to the MP3s they made--'Busted Heart' will do you right. This will be the last small show Bishop Allen ever plays. The Arrangement - friends of Bishop Allen from indie rock Mecca B, Austin, TX. We have never heard them. We firmly believe that surprises are good. Although we've had to qualify that statement since the time we stuck our curious heads down into a badger warren and got a lifetime worth of amateur dental work done against our strongest, most vehemently voiced wishes. The Arrangement, we're quite sure, will not be that kind of surprise. Eugene Mirman - We can't really overstate our excitement at having this major personality at our show. Go to http://www.eugenemirman.com to see why we no longer consider our website funny; instead we now try to think of it as "wannabe" funny. The 'Gun' video is among the all time funniest things of all time. Eugene will be doing some stand-up; we'll be the guys laughing *our very asses off.* Becky Yamamoto - Becky's mom says that Becky's comedy is pretty good for a beginner. Becky's dad says she should just get a job. Michael Tapper of WAS says that Becky's one-woman show Heartbreak High is f*#king brilliant, for one thing. So who are you gonna believe? Tim & Eric - These guys pump out the humorous short films you've been asking about. See http://www.timanderic.com for a taste. The Perpetual Life of Jim Albers - this is a 15 min. short film by Matt Goldman that was shown at SUNDANCE!!, maybe you've heard of it. SUNDANCE!!! for chrissakes. They liked it there. DJ BASE & DJ Aaron Shinn - Hot DJ action. They will serve up selected cuts ranging from the classics to the new: Mr. Rogers records, The Sound of Music Movie Soundtrack, The Who, Star Trek Sound Effects, Dego, Aphex Twin, Love Thy God and Neighbor, Led Zepplin, The Beatles, Braniac, Golden Shower, EDMX, Cylob, Kraftwerk, Adult, Madonna, Prefuse 73, Mr. Oizo, Radiohead, Rod Stewart, Telex, Squarepusher and many others. You'll be able to digest these one at a time or all at once. IN ADDITION there will be cool-ass paintings by Paul Hrusa on the walls, fabulously cheap and cold beer at the bar, a lovely garden in which to paradoxically both smoke and chill, and, downstairs, a room with fake grass, a table, and 4 chairs, where you (very well) may negotiate your turf. Go to http://www.wearescientists.com to see the official invite. Jesus, it's really something to see. ------------------------------------------------------
We Are Scientists Tuesday, May 13 at Luna Lounge 171 Ludlow Street (between Houston and Stanton on the Lower East Side) 9:30pm Free And now, a short play, entitled, "Another Friendship Saved By We Are Scientists": [The Scene: SAM and BAM meet in a fashionable coffee bar] SAM: Bam, my oldest and dearest friend! How be you? BAM: Not well, Sam, not well. Time has proven me a failure in all things - romance, finance, hygiene. I am in tremendous psychic pain. Will you hold me, Sam? SAM: Er, no. No, I won't, Bam. You are a failure and usurer and a sycophant, and I want none of you. BAM: But Sam, I need a friend now, more than ever before! SAM: Then go find one in the gutters, where your kind dwells! [throws scalding coffee on BAM] Be gone, urchin! BAM: [skulking toward the door] Oh, you have forsaken me, like all of my other old friends in the Account Services Department of our Fortune 500 company! What ever will I do with the extra ticket that I hold to Tuesday night's We Are Scientists show at the Luna Lounge? SAM: Er, did you say We Are Scientists? An extra ticket? Ah, he he. Perhaps things aren't quite as bad as they might seem, Bam. [begins dabbing at Bam's second-degree burns] Ahem. Let's you and I talk this over. What say we meet Tuesday night, at the Luna Lounge? The End. ------------------------------------------------------
Here they are, the dates for We Are Scientists' Hot Aural Action tour. Now you have no excuse not to come. Don't blow this. Your peers and community leaders are watching you. They are placing bets, and the bets are not in your favor. Can you blame them? You've performed so badly thus far, in terms of being social and having friends and doing anything even remotely cool. Why don't you make up for it now? Show up. It will blow your mind. Friday, April 11 The Door Dallas, TX with:The Broadcast, Space Man Spiff, A Foot Ahead, Apollos Playground 7:30pm $10 Saturday, April 12 The Grove House, Pitzer College Claremont, CA with: (we think) Stare Down Orion and Seb and Arthi Time: We dunno. Night time. How's that? Free, you dolt. Sunday, April 13 The Muddhole, Harvey Mudd College Claremont, CA with: the Panics starts at: 9:00 for: Harvey Mudd students only, so you'll have to just read about the show the next day, in the trades. Monday, April 14 California Institute of Technology Pasadena, CA It'll be starting around noon. Check our website for specifics soon. This sort of web research is a good resume-builder for you. *Tuesday, April 15 Silverlake Lounge Silverlake, CA (Los Angeles) We go on at around 8:30. The rest is a beautiful mystery. We're doing a thing at this show, and we think it's a good thing. This thing is that we're going to be giving a free piece of merch to anyone who comes to this show and asks for one. "Hand over my piece of merch, what you promised me, you hounds!" is one way you might ask, or you might be slightly more polite, you mean-spirited ingrate. also that day: UC Santa Barbara Santa Barbara, CA A noonish outdoor spectacular the likes of which UCSB has never seen and for which they can't possibly be prepared. Wednesday, April 16 Occidental College Los Angeles, CA Main Quad 12:30 pm *Thursday, April 17 Bottom of the Hill San Francisco, CA With: The Effection (ex-Dancehall Crashers, Simple Things) and Ebb & Flow 9pm $7 Kids, here is another show where we're pulling that crazy stunt with the free merch for anyone who asks. What, are you too good to take handouts? Fine, then don't show up. Michael will be perfectly happy to keep all of our unsold shirts for his Tapper Museum, opening in June 2004. Friday, April 18 Someone's House Portland, OR This is a house party with the inimitable Psychological Thrillers and John Weatherproof, who are not only the two most mind-pureeing bands in the PDX, but are staffed with guys so cool, it's like making your own mother jealous. Everyone is invited. 8pm. Check our website for location. Saturday, April 19 Sunset Tavern Seattle, WA 8:30 * denotes free merchandise, every American's secret communist fantasy. www.wearescientists.com ------------------------------------------------------
Dear Users: YOU: Steve, I want to go see the We Are Scientists Musical Showtime Revue. STEVE: Then go, You! YOU: But I don't even know when or where it is! STEVE: You, you make me sick with pity. The show is at the Luna Lounge on Wednesday, March 12, which is tomorrow, or today, depending on when you're reading this transcript of our conversation. Or maybe it was yesterday, if you are slow, too slow to be believed. YOU: But I have no money, and even if I did, I would most likely spend it on surgery and egg creams! STEVE: I know, You. I know. Luckily, the show is as free of charge as your mind is of worldly troubles or an understanding of flushing toilets. YOU: Great! Also, I was thinking of whittling my arms into flippers! STEVE: Good, good. Do that with all haste. We Are Scientists at the Luna Lounge (171 Ludlow Street, just south of Houston) Wednesday, March 12 8:30pm FREE ------------------------------------------------------
People - A couple of shows in as many states are coming up for We Are Scientists, your favorite trio of millionaire playboys: Saturday, February 22 38nine Long Island City, NY directions: (www.38nine.com/location.html) This show is part of a launch party for Qville, a non-profit artists' collective, seeking to promote community in New York City. These Qville kids are the sort of selfless do-gooders that W.A.S. regards with a sense of detached respect and amazement. We, who have never done anything unless we stood to gain personally. Like, for example, this show: it will be great for us. We love to see us play live. There's nothing that gives us greater pleasure. Also, there will be some films and some artwork and lots of fun people and you drinking booze until you've passed out. So, essentially, it will be just like any given night at your apartment, only with some films and some artwork and lots of fun people. For a discount on admission, take the survey here: (http://www.qville.org/survey.html) - also - Friday, February 28 The Grove House. Pitzer College, Claremont, CA 9:00pm Free This is a solo show featuring Keith. By himself. With an acoustic guitar. "Why," you are undoubtedly remarking to yourself (or aloud, to the congregation), "would a member of We Are Scientists ever play a show without the others? It's like one of the Three Stooges going on a monologue tour, only without the sweet pratfalls and self-mutilation!" And you're right - it makes no sense. Come out and watch the carnage. Incidentally, this show is a split bill with the inimitable Speechwriters LLC, who make this near-solo acoustic thing sound easy. "It's not!" Keith will likely be shrieking during his set over the disgusted murmuring of the audience . "It's not easy!" ------------------------------------------------------
Sunday, February 16 Tobacco Road 355 West 41 Street, at the corner of 9th avenue, NYC Phone: (212)244-ROAD ALL AGES!! show starts: 8:00pm WAS goes on: 10:00pm w/Hurry Up Offense everyone who mentions W.A.S. at the door will get half off admission Dear Froggers - Just the most brief of notices here re: the 143rd annual We Are Scientists Walkathon, for which, remember, you pledged to raised no less than $35/mile for each of the 3000 miles that you must traverse on foot from New York to Los Angeles between the hours of 8pm and 11:30pm on Saturday, February 15th. Please do remember that, should you not complete the walk in its entirety, you will still be held responsible for the cash - we will be following all of the walkers in our gilded chariots, and anyone who attempts to flee will be netted and speared. Ha ha! Good day! Also, though, and perhaps more importantly - our rock show this Sunday night! This will be one of those good ones. You know those good ones? This is one of them. It's a CD release party for our friends in Hurry Up Offense, who will be serving up their personal brand of top notch San Francisco-style punk (note: they may or may not have a booth at the show, serving up their own brand of top notch San Francisco-style burritos, but let's keep our fingers crossed, you and me). Their new album is brilliant - upon first listen, we were compelled to comment, "Wooeeeee!" and, subsequently, were overrun with pigs. So you will want to be a part of this. ------------------------------------------------------
You've been around. You sure have. You know enough to know that sometimes, sometimes life hurts. Bad. In fact, rarely do you sleep through the night, so haunted are you. So HAUNTED are you!! By what? By your failures: your cornucopia of failures. Your encyclopedic, alphabetized list of failures, often mistaken by friends for a very nice dictionary -- your ex had it leatherbound. It serves as a coffee-table-fit monument to your dismal rate of success in this life. It serves, too, as a firm portent of the sort of New Year's Eve you're likely to have this year. A goddamn miserable one. Can we be honest? A goddamn miserable one. Here's the point: we, the affiliated members of we are scientists, New York's most buttoned-up rock band, used to be the same way. We used to blow New Year's every time our calendars gave us half a chance. Now? We're in a rock band that does things like play shows in front of throngs of adulation-frenzied fans on New Year's Eve. How did we do it? Simple. We did it by going to lots and lots of we are scientist shows. Here's a statistic whose meaning is pretty damn unambiguous: we have, all three of us, been present at no less than EVERY SINGLE WE ARE SCIENTISTS SHOW IN THE LAST TWO YEARS. And you can bet your pet bird's budding brain tumor that we'll be at Luna Lounge (171 Ludlow b/n Houston & Stanton--Take the F train to 2nd Ave.) December 31st, 2002 8:45 pm Hey. Let's wipe the slate clean. Let's bury that volume of little missteps and federal crimes beneath a landslide of hot pop melodies, cold champagne, lightning-fast fooseball, lingering kisses at midnight... let's strike a match that you can use to set 2003 ON FIRE. Let's make 2003 for you Year of the Ferrari, Year of the Beachfront Mansion, Year of the Non-Manipulative-but-Somehow-Still-Sexy Significant Other Who Looks Great In A Swimsuit. * A couple of notes about this show: -Luna Lounge is 21 and over. -Luna Lounge is charging a $10 dollar cover for New Year's Eve, but if you show up before 9 and say you're their for the we are scientists, IT'S FREE. FREE FREE FREE FREE FREE FREE [to the melody of the chorus of John Mayer's folk classic 'Your Body is a Wonderland']. -we are scientists has oft been labelled 'The World's Stingiest Non-Celtic Band', and while we've always felt that this is maybe putting it too strongly, we DEFINITELY think it's an overstatement in light of the Dec. 31st show, cuz we've attached a coupon to this very email that, if you print it then present it at our show, will entitle you to FIFTY PERCENT OFF ANY ITEM IN OUR MERCH BAG. Yes, that includes tees and albums and stickers, but it also, impressively, applies to things like tuners or bread crumbs that are tucked away in the merch bag without our knowledge. One idea would be for you to sneak a coveted jacket or bauble out of your roommate's closet, bring the jacket or bauble to our show, put it in our merch bag, and we'll happily sell it to you for HALF WHAT IT'S WORTH. We'll even write out a certificate of ownership on a napkin, thus rendering your legal claim on the item airtight. Go ahead! Take advantage of our generosity! Exploitation is the only form of affection that we recognize on sight. ------------------------------------------------------
Folks, What with all of the recent jetsetting and drinking of cocktails and hobnobbing with film stars and starlets of all caliber that has been going on out here in CA, we have only the briefest of moments to fill you in on what's going on back home in New York tomorrow night, and that is: WE ARE SCIENTISTS Tuesday, October 15th at the Luna Lounge 171 Ludlow Street between Houston and Stanton (near Avenue A). We go on: 9:30 Free Yeah, it's free. Free, you hear? So what do you have to lose, beside your dignity, which, we should point out, you haven't exactly been treating like a very precious commodity as of late anyway? Love, we are scientists www.wearescientists.com (the site's back up by the way. let your panic subside) ------------------------------------------------------
Dear friend-peoples, Just a quick notice here, but, still, an important notice. Make no mistake, the quickness of this notice is in no way a signifier of the relative unimportance of the information held within. This is important! So, let’s get right to it. What do you say? Should we move fluidly into the body of this message, the portion with the information that this little intro has been promising but not delivering? Yes, let’s. We Are Scientists is heading back to California. All right, you east-coasters, you can just sit down right now and stop the unleashing of the howls of dismay and cease the putting together of that first draft of an irate letter to the editor of your local periodical: we’re only going to be gone for a few days. Then, it’s right back to New York. We promise. But, yeah: we’re making a quick hit on Southern California. Two shows, and two shows only. We show up. We play. We leave a wake of students satisfied on a damn-near-post-coital level. That’s the way we’re doing it all weekend. The shows: Saturday, October 12th at The Grove House, Pitzer College Claremont, CA 10:00pm free with: Meanstreak and then, we will sit back and drink an orange tonic and prepare for Sunday, October 13th at The Motley, at Scripps College Claremont, CA 9:00pm free with: Stare Down Orion Enjoy! Please! Come on! Love, we are scientists www.wearescientists.com ------------------------------------------------------
Lovers of reason and method and decked-out limos: A couple of days ago we did (another) interview on Radio Paris, this time with the rather famous French political columnist Macko LaFranche. Below is that interview, excerpted en toto, modified only in that we have had our cat, Jean-Georges, translate it from the French, since very nearly 30% of our Salt of the Earth fan-base speaks the language rather tentatively. (For an original, unaltered transcript, go to Radio Paris’s website.) That interview: MACKO: Gentlemen. A pleasure to have you here again in our beautiful sundrenched studio, pastries in hand. KEITH: Macko, a pleasure. MICHAEL: Yes, thanks Macko. CHRIS: Yes Macko, thanks. A real thrill as always, except for that one time. All: Ha ha ha. Ha ha, murmur. Murmur, murmur, ha ha. Ha. MACKO: Gentlemen, just how fast are these cars of yours? KEITH: Michael, you wanna field this one? CHRIS: Yeah, I don’t even know…[trails off] MICHAEL: The Dart goes one fifty. The Continental…one sixty-five. The yellow school bus two ten. MACKO: Wuh…Wow! That’s, that’s really tremendous. Two ten! KEITH: Yeah, damn. MICHAEL: Now that’s kilometers, not miles. MACKO: I see. I see. MICHAEL: And a bus’s speed is generally given in kilometers per two hours. MACKO: Ehhhh…Hm. And is that what you’ve done here? MICHAEL: Yes. MACKO: I see. Where is this next show of yours, this next rock jock super-duper? MICHAEL: Tobacco Road, Mr. French Filthy-Words. [Drawn-out silence] MACKO: I think that may have been unwarranted. KEITH: Certainly not inaccurate, though. CHRIS: No. No, unfortunately not. [Silence] ML [shouting tearfully]: I never learned to read, even! MICHAEL: We watched you read station announcements twenty minutes ago. CHRIS: Macko, you read me a story last night before bed. What, you memorized Atlas Shrugged? KEITH: You’re a child, Macko. A child in a much older person’s body. [Sounds of WAS packing up pens, sheaves of blueprints & watercolors, earthenware, shaving kits, a massage-table.] The point, maybe, is that this Sunday, WAS is hosting a show at Tobacco Road, which means we picked the bands. What a nice job we did: The Fit, Hurry Up Offense, Washington D.C.’s The Nighties, and We Are Scientists. There will be comediens between the sets; you've never had it this good. Another nice aspect of this show is that it’s early in the evening, so you can get home for CSI, or Everybody Loves Walter Cronkite, or whatever your Sunday night program is. Football? Is there football Sunday night? Or is that Monday? We’re not sure. We’re skinny guys who could only have played football in school if we had happened upon a pair of magical cleats or a magical helmet or whatever, but with the exception of Keith that didn’t happen, and Keith traded his magical football item for a Get Out of Jail Free card with the Cooper City vice squad, who had him on tape trying to sell refrigerator magnets to an undercover federal agent. Tobacco Road Sunday, September 22 355 West 41 Street, at the corner of 9th avenue, NYC 3pm - 7pm (WAS at 4:30) $8 (maybe less) All Ages To get to T.R., take the C, A, E, 1, 2, 3, or 9 to 42 street. Walk 2 blocks west to the bar. ------------------------------------------------------
Friends and friendlies, Here is the thing: there is a we are scientists show at Luxx on Sunday, and you want to be there. "They say this with such assurance," you say to yourself, quietly, or aloud to the person in the neighboring cubicle, who is growing weary of your non-stop musings about the we are scientists crew. But anyway, as you were saying: "The hubris these kids - these scientist kids - are displaying in assuming that I am gripped with an almost debilitating desire to catch their admittedly brilliant show is quite staggering, no matter how accurate their assumptions may be." And, yes, we will admit that it may, to the casual observer, seem that our assurance of your need for participation in the little musical exercise this weekend stems from some fairly high levels of cockiness - it is no secret that we are a frankly prideful band, and spend many hours each day gazing at ourselves in mirrors and complementing each other on our sound financial maneuverings in these unsound economic times. But the point is this - we expect you to be there not because *we* know how much you want it, but because *you* know it. Just give in to your desires, people. So often, you deny yourselves simply because your mind and your body cannot come into accord: Your mind wants to study, but your body wants a hot tub. Your body wants to eat that squirrel, but your mind knows that he is your only reliable source of acorns. But now, both your mind and your body want we are scientists. Listen to them. They know what they're talking about. we are scientists on Sunday, August 18 at Luxx 256 Grand St. (b/w Driggs and Roebling) in Williamsburg, Brooklyn WAS goes on at 10:15pm Yay! love, we are scientists www.wearescientists.com ------------------------------------------------------
Greetings and salutations, people. Now, this: Ah, my dear. You look lovely this evening, with your silken hair and wooden teeth. Is that a new eye patch? How lovely! To be gored by a silverback gorilla and rebound with such panache – truly, you are a rare and magnificent personality! I asked that you meet me here at Luxx in Williamsburg (Brooklyn) this evening (Wednesday, July 24 at 8:00pm) so that I might offer you many fine wonders, such as: this antique “I Like Ike!” pin. And also: this portion of a Hershey’s brand chocolate bar. And, most importantly: the grand sound of We Are Scientists, perhaps Brooklyn’s finest purveyors of the rock and also of the roll. I can see by the look in your eyes and the spinning of your head like a gyroscope that you approve. You like The We Are Scientists. That is how I know that you are the one for me. Let us be married, you filthy pig! The moral of this little parable is this: We Are Scientists Wednesday, July 24 At Luxx 256 Grand Street (between Driggs and Roebling) Williamsburg, Brooklyn 8:00pm SHARP! With: the Fit, a great and inimitable trio who placed second after We Are Scientists in the 2002 We Are Scientists award for Outstanding Musical Achievement - they are that good. You must indulge yourself. How to get there: Take the L train to Bedford Ave. Go south on Bedford to Grand street. Hang a left. Walk one block down. Sit down. Rest yourself. Walk ½ block further. You are here. Welcome to this place of passions! www.wearescientists.com ------------------------------------------------------
Kindest Playmates - Hello again. We know that it may appear to many of you that We Are Scientists has begun to forget about The Music. "I mean," you say to your friends, tears spilling down your cheeks and into the pudding mix below, "they only play a show, like, once every TWO WEEKS! What kind of band is that? Once in two weeks? That is never enough when one is speaking of We Are Scientists, which I am." You say that to your friends, and they can only agree, because although they see us every day - there we are, smiling on yet another cover of People Magazine, wrestling with our buddies Leonardo "Leo" DiCaprio and Tobey "Fudgecicle" Maguire on Entertainment Tonight, driving a Ferrari off of a bridge and parachuting to safety in the preview for our upcoming film, "XXX" - they still find themselves starved for the explosive rock shows that first brought us into the public eye. So, we will now deliver: We Are Scientists Sunday, July 14 at Brownies 169 Ave A, NYC 8:45 pm There you are. Please enjoy. We love you so dearly. we are scientists www.wearescientists.com ------------------------------------------------------
Peoples - No funny business this time. Let's just cinch up our sweatpants and get straight to the point. A We Are Scientists show. This Saturday. Actually, the thing is, this show, it's a Battle of the Bands. Normally, we hate Battles of Some Bands. Can't we all just try to live harmoniously, with everybody helping everybody else out and just tacitly agreeing that We Are Scientists is the best of the bunch? Well, apparently, the answer is no, because they keep having these Band Battles, and so we have to tensely hang out backstage with enemy bands, bands who want our title, bands who will certainly be walking out of the joint with their heads in their hands by the end of the evening, courtesy of WAS. God, we wish it didn't have to be like that. But so anyway, we are doing this Battle of the Bands because the guy who invited us to do it is a nice guy, and he assured us that, with a little greasing of the wheels, he'd make sure we got the crown. Also, we're not sure what the prize is, but we suppose that there's always a chance that the prize is a bunch of go-carts, which is the sort of chance that WAS feels it has to take. We will always play for go-carts. Keep that in mind. Anyway, the thing is, the show is on the more expensive side, that is: $10. It is true that for $10, you could go see the latest Hollywood blockbuster featuring Tom Cruise and his assorted Big Fake Teeth, but then you couldn't afford popcorn and Pepsi, so why bother? Here's the deal we're willing to work out with you. If you show up and tell them that you're there for We Are Scientists, we get half of that $10 (yes, it's ugly, but that's the way these businesses work, you sweet, naive things), and so we, ever-mindful of sustaining this fragile economy of ours, will be perfectly willing to put that $5 per person back into circulation, by which we mean that we will give it back to you. So, the show is $5 for you. You can thank us later. Details: We Are Scientists Saturday, June 29 9:00 PM at The Lounge at CBGB 315 Bowery b/n 1st & 2nd St's. (take 6 train to Bleeker, go east) $10, but we’ll spot you $5. We’re good like that, you and us. ------------------------------------------------------
Let’s talk, son. I’ve been putting this discussion off for as long as possible, but your mother, well, she’s flatly insisted that I finally come on in here and have a little heart to heart with you. She’s crouched outside your door right now, your mom, listening, so let’s just get this done, okay? You are entering a time in your life when you are going to start noticing some changes. Your body, quite frankly will betray you. Your senses will give you leave. You will be a total mess. I know that this must be confusing to you, but I just want to let you know: this is perfectly normal. This happens to everyone at your age, kid. I went through it, and my father before me, and probably his father before him, too, although his voice remained weirdly high-pitched until the day he died, so the less we apply any level of scrutiny to the issue of your great-grandfather’s pubescent development, the better. Son, my point is this: you’ll get through it, and here is how: by attending the hot rod We Are Scientists show this Sunday at Brownies. They will have their latest CD, the delightfully titled "Safety, Fun, and Learning (In That Order)," for sale. And shirts, too, my boy, the likes of which you’ve never seen – colored, and made of cotton. And, as usual, they will do things of a musical nature for you. Okay, son. The look on your face tells me that this was maybe not the sort of advice you were looking for – you, with the sweat on the brow and the fuzz on the upper lip and the pig’s nose smack in the middle of your face. Well, what can I tell you, kid? I’m a bad father. I’ll leave you with this: We Are Scientists Sunday, June 9 at Brownies 169 Avenue A (between 10th and 11th streets) NYC (in the East Village) show starts at 8:00, WAS goes on at 8:45. Good, then. www.wearescientists.com ------------------------------------------------------
People, Here are the simple facts. But first, another simple fact: if you are not in Southern California, you can ignore these simple facts. Unless you have friends who are in Southern California, in which case, it is a matter of life and death that you inform them of these simple facts. So, these are them: We Are Scientists will be playing another show in Claremont, CA this Saturday. The performance is part of Carnival, which is an all-day festival featuring many bands (including the inimitable Rilo Kiley), some inflatable things, and maybe some fried, doughy foods. To be honest, we really don't have the faintest goddamn idea. We are not men of business. But anyway, here is what you need to know: We Are Scientists on Walker Beach, at Pomona College Saturday, April 27 9:00 PM with Rilo Kiley and numerous other good bands, we are sure. Oh, also - we think that this show maybe be restricted to students at the Claremont Colleges. if you're not a student, you can still show up and peek over the wall. Pride and dignity should be disregarded in matters of catching a we are scientists show. Good day, then. Love, we are scientists www.wearescientists.com ------------------------------------------------------
Men and lady-friends, We will keep this short and we will keep this sweet, because your time is valuable, and we are loathe to keep you from attending to your other life-duties, about all of which you tend to make a lot of noise in spite of their unimportance relative to the goings-on in the we are scientists camp. So, in an effort to balance the histrionics with which most folks usually deliver the routines that compose their lives (the dog bit them, their baby turned out to be a Mexican rat), we will very subtly deliver this most exciting tidbit: We Are Scientists at Brownies (Ave A between 9th and 10th streets) Wednesday, April 24th 9:00pm with The Black Socks, Sign Offs, and Richmond Sluts (Bomp Records) So, you will be there? How good of you. Also, there will be T-shirts. Also, this is the last we are scientists show in the area for some time, due to some members going out of town and other members feeling like they really need to catch up on some sleep. So, you'll want to be there. Also, our website (www.wearescientists.com) now features new mp3s, new pictures, a new animated video (eventually), and (also eventually) a new page through which you can purchase our fine shirts and CDs and childhood mementos. love we are scientists www.wearescientists.com ------------------------------------------------------
Molecules: it is time to rejoin the body politic. This Sunday, April 14th, we are scientists returns to Claremont, California. HOW, you might ask, CAN WE BE SO BOLD? (It borders on hubris!) HOW, you demand to know, CAN FATE ALLOW THIS? (Fate who has done you wrong so constantly in the past!) HOW, you squeal with pleasure, DO WE PLAN TO ROCK YOU? The answer to the last (and only non-rhetorical) question is double: Harder than you've ever known yourself to be rocked. And with more commemorative merchandise. You read right, you pert little jelly-beans: The we are scientists juggernaut is storming the bunker with all of its attendant weaponry: the Oil Slick, the Smoke Screen, the Jiggle-Watt, and its two newest accessories: the debut album, "Safety, Fun, and Learning (In That Order)," and our brand-new t-shirts, which feature our glorious visages and which will render you, by association, irresistible to the men and women of your fancy. So give us your money, and we will give you sexual charisma, in either digital or 100% cotton form (or, preferably, both). Most important, though, is the rock show. Kids, we cannot even type about this glorious show without welling up with tears and having to retire to the sitting room to compose ourselves over tea and wafers. It will be the BEST! SHOW! EVER! Until our next one, of course, but the point is that there is a show coming up right now that will tear your socks off from beneath your designer footwear. The show features the crushing acoustic power of Speechwriters LLC, who are better than you are, so you must show them the proper respect. Also appearing is the inimitable BARR, who, as advertised, will deliver an act that you simply cannot imitate (and, let's be honest, not for lack of trying). Also, this show is free, so even you (poverty-stricken, the object of everyone's contempt) have no excuse to not attend. Here's what you need to know: We Are Scientists Sunday, April 14th with Speechwriters LLC and BARR at the Motley (Scripps College) 1030 Columbia Ave Claremont, CA 91711 show starts at 8:30 pm Free! Also, we are playing on the Radio, here: KSPC 88.9, 7:30 - 8:00 A half hour of the rock, free, in your home. You must have done something right. Love, we are scientists " . . . and we are scientists said "Let there be music," and there was music, and we are scientists saw that it was good." ------------------------------------------------------
Dear Chunk, I'm writing you this email, Chunk, for because I wanted to know if you wanted to go to the We Are S. show this Friday at Stinger. Hops and Millie will be there, and I promised them a pint. A PINT OF THE GOOD STUFF, CHUNK! THE GOOD STUFF! THIS WAY I GET OFF EASY ON MY PROMISE TO HOPS AND MILLIE BECAUSE IT'S ONLY $3 FOR THE PINT-BEERS AT STINGER AT THE WE ARE SCIENTITIENS SHOW! Chunk: let's make a meet, as they say. Let's Friday night it like Friday nighting it is going the way of Jimmy Zs. An admission, dear music fans: this is not a letter from 'Narrator' to 'Chunk'. Au contraire, nos vieux. It is a love missile from we are scientists to you. You may have gleaned from the above slice of life that WAS will play Stinger this Friday night. But where, how, and why *is* Stinger? Stinger is in trendy, artsy, lovable Williamsburg, the neighborhood New York magazine recently heralded "the Sip-Minister's wipple [sic] ackn [sic]." To get there, ride the fashionable L Train to the tony Bedford stop. Get off there and walk south to Grand street. Take a left (a "Louie"; say to your buddies as you approach Grand, "We're gonna make/take a LOUIE up here, bahddies - who's gots da hook-up neeeow?"). Walk East on Grand to 241. 241 Grand, that is. Now, if you are college-lerned, having been provided with a spatial coordinate you will be waiting with great anticipation for a temporal coordinate to play kissy face with the spatial coordinate. 9 o'clock doors; we go on shortly thereafter. Chunk, I was going to asked you that at Stinger on Friday, but what the heck. Do you wanna go get a pint at Stinger and listen to the Scientifty make their maudlin, bawdy operetta a dream in our lives? I'll be the one with the hat with a horseshoe with the snappy plastic fit-strap clicked all the way down. We Are Scientists w/ National Command Authority Friday, April 5th Stinger - 241 Grand St., Brooklyn 9 pm $3 ------------------------------------------------------
People and children and heirs to the throne - A quick notice, friends. You need to know these things, these news items that we deliver to you, and that's why we are here, at the console, feverishly sorting through reams of printed matter coming out of out our Associated Press wire service teletype, which is clicking away over here in a manner that is highly distracting. But we will deal with it and forge on, because, remember, the news we deliver is so important, so urgent, so imperative to your well-being. So, anyway, here the news: a show! It's a St. Patrick's Day party. Also: it's a sort of charity-type thing, whereby if you bring canned goods to this show, and then (this is important) you turn said canned goods over to the proper Elbom Room-related authority, these canned goods will be donated to City Harvest, which helps feed NYC's hungry (a group that, by City Harvest's definition, apparently does not include We Are Sciestists, and so it seems that we'll be seeing none of this canned good booty unless City Harvest's Canned Good Security Team is very lax indeed). So, here: We Are Scientists Sunday, March 17th at the Elbow Room 144 Bleeker St. (between Thompson and LaGuardia in Greenwich Village) 9:00 pm (the party starts at 6:00pm) $7, ($1 off if you bring canned food) Good, then. Also, our album, "Safety, Fun, and Learning (In That Order)," is done. Done, you hear? It's going off to the printer, and should be home soon. Then, it's into your hands. love, we are scientists www.wearescientists.com ------------------------------------------------------
Hey, kids - Just a quick note to remind you (in case you've been sorely mismanaging your date-books) that We Are Scientists, your all-time favorite purveyors of right-minded rock music, are a'gonna be playing this Thursday at that land of milk and honey, the Lion's Den. We know that you'll probably be there anyway, because that's what you do on Thursdays. So, yeah, we'll be there too, playing bright and early at 8:00, which leaves you plenty of time to get plastered and stumble home to watch NBC's newest "Must See" sitcom, which is, in fact, as dumb as it looks. here's what you need to know: We Are Scientists at the Lion's Den 214 Sullivan Street (Between Bleecker and West 3rd Street) New York City 212/477-2782 8:00 Thank you. We love you. we are scientists ------------------------------------------------------
People and other people, too - We've not played in a while, a'cause we've been finishing up that album we've been talking about, but now that it's all done (!) and set for a February release (!!), we're back at it. The following is a list of upcoming WAS performances - examine them, weigh your options, and then come to all four. Thursday, January 31 - Acme Underground, 9 Great Jones Street (btwn. Broadway & Lafayette) (212) 677 - 6963 NYC - 10:30pm Yes, we suppose that this show is rather late in the evening, but what are you going to be doing on Thursday night at 10:30? Sleeping? That's it, isn't it? You make us sick. Thursday, February 7 - The 5 Spot, 459 Myrtle Ave. at Washington Avenue, Brooklyn, NY (718) 852-0202 8:00pm, $3 This whiz-bang event is being hosted by our friends in the National Command Authority. We'll open your eyes with our sweet, sweet indie-pop, and the NCA will then commence to closing those same eyes by punching you repeatedly with their fists. Their musical fists, though. Good. Thursday, February 14 - Kenny's Castaways, 157 Bleeker Street, NYC (Greenwich Village) (212) 473 9870. 10:00pm, Cost: somewhere between $0 and $5. For less than $5, you can either see WAS or buy yourself a car. Remember, though - it will be a $5 car, and the brakes will fail. We Are Scientists will never fail you. Or, at least, not that often, or in a way that will send you careening into a gorge. Right, guys? Right? Thursday, February 21 - The Lion's Den, 214 Sullivan Street(Between Bleecker and West 3rd Street), NYC 212/477-2782 7:45pm, $8 Anyone familiar with NYC's nightclub scene will tell you that the Lion's Den is THE Manhattan hot spot. Last time we were there, we saw P Diddy Daddy Doo and Madonna and Carrot Top, shooting down $3 shots of Jaagermeister. At least, we THINK it was them. In any case, members of WAS will be there, and that is all the star-power the most of you kids can handle. thanky, we are scientists www.wearescientists.com ------------------------------------------------------
Dearest Constituency, We have done it. Oh, we have really done it this time. We all know that we are scientists puts on one hell of a show – a real grade-A, life-affirming, knuckle-busting, mullet-growing, ankle-biting spectacle is delivered at every WAS performance. We know that afterwards, the audience is uniformly awash with a satisfaction that can only be described as “post-coital,” and that so complete is this satiation of the crowd’s every physical and emotional desire that many couples have split-up immediately following a viewing of WAS in action, citing the fact that they “just don’t do it [for each other] the way that WAS does it.” What most people DON’T know, however, is that WAS has never been afforded the opportunity to really cut loose and put on the sort of no-holds-barred kind of show that we know you folks deserve. Club owners are always begging us to “tone it down” for fear that our brand of atom-splitting rock will launch their venue, crowd and all, into the stratosphere, a liability not covered by most insurance policies. Other acts on our bills are always begging us to “take it easy, take it EASY, now,” in the hopes of staving off some fraction of the massive shame that comes from being shown up by the inimitable WAS. Fragile concert-goers often beseech us to “be gentle,” and we respect their requests, because we are gentlemen. But now, we have set up our own show, and we are going all out. Here’s the deal: we are scientists at The West End (downstairs!) 2911 Broadway@W113th St. New York, NY 10025 Phone: 212.662.8830 take the 1 train to 110th st. show starts at 9:00pm, we are scientists goes on at 11:00pm admission: $5 ($3 w/ student ID) It’s going to be one hell of a show, folks. For the $5 that you would normally spend on a steak dinner, you get all this: - Four great NYC bands, including Smite (at midnight, celebrating their album “Capitalitis,” released by Devious Semantics Records), The Fit (10:00pm), and The Tuesday Suits (9:15pm). - A short documentary film by Lynn Badia. The subject of this film is somewhat unclear to us (it’s got something to do with obsessive relationships), and seems to be in constant flux, because that’s the sort of shoot-from-the-hip, hotshot filmmaker Badia is. We do know, though, that it will be smart and funny, and that it will cause you to laugh and cry and think and thank us for allowing you to partake. - A live conversation with Alabaman Governor and Presidential Hopeful Sweets Calhoun (R), who is a true Southern Gentleman and Degenerate. - Cheap drinks at the well-staffed bar. We’re talking $3 pints here (we think – we’re not running the bar. We’ve got better things to do, such as consuming as many $3 pints as possible.) - Maybe some fiction reading, but then again maybe not. We reserve the right to change our minds on any of this, because we’ve given you enough as it is. www.wearescientists.com ------------------------------------------------------
Dear Sirs and Ma'amses, What many people often forget is that we are scientists provides a service. In this way, we are not unlike your mail carriers and bike messengers and Hollywood spider wranglers, except that we are much more spectacularly attractive than they, and that, without our services, you could not live. The point is, people, that this whole rock star thing is very taxing. We give it our all, and we grow tired. Sometimes (last night, for example), we are up very late at night, recording what will without any doubt at all become the greatest rock album of all time. Michael begs for rest, but he is pushed onward by Chris, the cruel taskmaster. Chris then pauses to relax his cramped fingers and Keith crushes them with a cinder block as punishment for his crime of dispassion. Keith falls alseep at the recording console and is later roused when Michael turns the machine guns on him. So, you see, this is a hard life. But we do it for you. And for the large sums of money is easy-to-carry bags. For these reasons, we give every venture our all. So, you should be sure to spare not cost in getting out to our big rock show at the Acme Underground in NYC this very Saturday evening. Some of you may recall our previous performance at this venerable rock institution (?), which was tremendously successfull and just generally spiritually and physically fulfilling for all involved, as evinced by the frantic follow-up calls made by the folks at the Acme, who made it absolutely clear that they simply HAD to have us back, or else what were they even doing calling themselves a rock club? So, you must be there. We are tireless. we are scientists Saturday, November 17 Acme Underground 9 Great Jones Street btwn. Broadway & Lafayette (212) 677 - 6963 8:30pm. $7 (we think) www.wearescientists.com ------------------------------------------------------
Hi there, people - Here's what this email is about: It's about We Are Scientists finally asking you for a favor. For 27 years now, WAS has been offering you, the discerning listener, the best songs ever written performed by the tightest trio the world has ever known, which trio also happens to possess stunning good looks and unchecked sexual charisma. That is what we've been doing for you. We get nothing out of the bargain. But now, we are asking for something in return, and that is: that you make your best effort to check out our show at Brownie's in NYC this Sunday. We know that this is not asking much. You are, quite frankly, dying to attend this show - we know this. But we just wanted to remind you about it, because we did make some rather foolish promises to Brownies regarding the incredible size of our draw. Their expectations are high. They are increasing their security team by 300% and reinforcing their dance floor with steel beams to accommodate the teeming masses that they expect to flock to the WAS show. So let's not disappoint them, okay? They have so little in their lives. They are lonely. This would really make their day. Maybe, just maybe, this one little WAS show will keep the Brownie's staff from crying themselves to sleep for just one night. So come out. Bring your friends. If necessary, charter a bus. We don't care, just as long as we see you there. Here's the info: We Are Scientists Sunday, October 21 9:00pm Brownie's (www.browniesnyc.com) 169 Avenue A (between 10th and 11th streets), NYC $7, ages 16+ Also: We Are Scientists is going into the studio to record our first full-length album in November. It will be, perhaps, the greatest of mankind's creations - at least on par with Twizzlers-brand licorice twists (strawberry variety) or President Benjamin Harrison. Thank you, loved ones. we are scientists www.wearescientists.com ------------------------------------------------------
Okay: [skip this paragraph] Firstly and of least importance, we would like to make the comment that your hair has caught our attention lately. Boy, has it. Not to mention your pants!! Perhaps it's that your hair and pants seem to compliment each other perfectly like EVERY time we see you lately... Anyway, we wanted you to know that it has been noticed. Whatever you're doing: it's WORKING. You may notice that we've made an attempt to emulate you. You may notice this at... ACME UNDERGROUND in the east village, this WEDNESDAY, October 3rd at around 10 PM. No, we are not requesting a little one-on-one time at a seemy bar to be followed by heaven knows what sort of depraved acrobatics. Check the address field, and feel the sting of embarassment as you realize that you almost tossed the old silk'n'lacies in the wash! No, no, lovely friend, this here is a show announcement. That's right, fans and advisors, W.A.S. will play at Acme Underground this Wednesday, and you are officially invited, which is to say that you are being axed to come. Because we will be playing there, you see. Now: At this point we'd like to quote directly from Acme's web page in order to give you a better idea of just where they're located. We'd like to, and since we do what we like, we will: " [Acme Underground] is located directly below the Acme Bar & Grill at 9 Great Jones Street between Broadway and Lafayette in New York's infamous East Village. The club is just blocks away from the following subway stops: B,D,F,Q - Broadway-Lafayette stop 6 - Bleecker Street stop N,R - 8th Street stop " Let's give Acme a hand for that lyrical yet sober accounting of their location. The point, then, is that you should show up. AHEM: This is a difficult thing to have to say, but it must be said. You see, W.A.S. is _also_ playing another, different show on October 21st at a club called Brownie's (also located in New York's infamous east village). We feel that it is very important for _your_ sake that you come to both shows. _However_, if you can come to just one -- if, that is, you are supporting a family of six and little Byron must go without food for three days each time you go to a W.A.S. show -- then we would encourage you to come to the Brownie's show rather than the Acme show. Why? The Brownie's show is an important show for us b/c it's an important club in the NYC indie-rock scene and, frankly, we told them we could get many hundreds of people to the show and we'd like to do just that, if only so that they will feel the sting of pride from having been bettered once again by we are scientists. So, you have some decisions to make, some soul-searching to do. Choose one, is what it boils down to: --Come to the Acme show and the Brownie's show. --Come to just the Brownie's show. --Come to neither, and stop calling yourself a supporter of what is good and right and true in this world, and start dressing yourself in hairshirts and wooden clogs and red face-paint. The ball is in your court. Do you have what it takes to be a winner? To be a champion? Are you gonna stand up for what you believe in? Or not, and practically drip self-loathing? Just remember that whatever you do, we are scientists still cherishes you and will hold you close like the pet chesnut we never had. www.wearescientists.com ------------------------------------------------------
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